2.2 My View of Self

[Dolores]

I believe that when I am sharing the love of Christ with people that don’t know Him or have fallen far away from Him is when I feel I represent Him best. I believe God says that Iam an encourager, a warrior His beloved daughter.

[Gerry]

When and where do you represent the best of who God believes you are?

Sometimes I joke about myself when I say “The only consistent thing about myself is my inconsistency.” As anyone may have gathered from my previous posts, my life is in flux or it is a very fluid experience. I appreciate what Maria said as she answered this question and I believe whether we like it or not her answer is the same answer that many of us have about ourselves, me included. As was stated in the video, experience often has the greatest influence on our perception of self. My life growing up could be defined in one word – toxic. Experiences endured and words spoken over much of my formative years developed a very negative view of myself. I’d like to think that as I became a Christian that much of that instantly changed, but if I was to say that, well I’ve also got some swamp land for sale, for in that I would be lying. If ever there was a contentious issue that I had with God, this was it, God why don’t you change me. This may be one of the strangest comments you’ve heard in a while, but for me, PTSD IS a gift of God. God has used PTSD and like a surgeon’s scalpel, He slowly but continues to steadily cut away the false self from me. If you’ve ever watched the Skit Guys video God’s Chisel you’ll know what I mean. This view of self has not been perfected yet, nor do I believe that in this life it ever will, for once I think I’ve arrived, well where’s the need for faith. Instead, as a child at least within the North American culture will often ask what’s for dinner, but because of the affluent nature of living in North America the question is rarely “Will we be having dinner?” Due to the trust that exists between child and their parents the question of receiving is almost non-existent. I, as a child of God, have changed the nature of the questions that I used to ask God. Were once I asked, “God why don’t You change me?” Now my question as it pertains to myself is more along the lines of “God, Since I live in a broken and fractured world the image that You’ve made me to be is now distorted therefore my perception of identity is distorted. After years of asking Holy Spirit to show me what He thinks of me I’m starting to understand His heart for me. In Matt 2:17 it says “And a voice from heaven said, "This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy." I asked God that as an adopted child of His, does this apply to us as well. I believe that Holy Spirit responded with “The circumstances are different but the issue of sonship and my relationship with our Father remains true, thus this does apply. This reality is very real in my personal life, but as my confidence in my sonship increases so does that communication of it expand into all areas of life.

[ECO]

@GerryB this was a terrific post. The part that stood out to me was how you named PTSD as a gift from God. That is certainly a strange thing to say, but we can’t move through the hard things that happen to us until we learn to trust that God has never left us or betrayed us. I don’t believe God wanted you to experience PTSD, but he can certainly use it for his glory! Romans 8 makes it very clear that God works in the midst of our suffering for our good, and even though all of creation is groaning, the process is working towards “chiselling” us into the image of Christ.

[Maria]

I definitely think that when I’m with people that are believers I’m the person that God wants me to be. And it doesn’t really matter when it happens but I think that the people definitely affect how I act and if I’m with the wrong people it definitely shows in how I talk, and how I’m acting around the people I’m with.

[ECO]

Maria, this answer is very honest. I think a lot of times we aren’t willing to admit that people influence us negatively because it seems like weakness. But the Proverbs have much to say about keeping good company. Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Our faith is never practiced in isolation, and it is important for us to remember that God designed us to grow in community, so we will always be influenced either for good or bad by the company we keep. I think this is why Jesus sent the disciples out to do ministry in groups of two.